This is Rob's humorous version
(with some help from SilverRaven)
of AGD's Faq
(there is no real faq)

SECTION 1 - General NG questions
SECTION 2 - Behavior in the group
SECTION 3 - Clans and Guilds
SECTION 4 - 60 Minute Man
SECTION 5 - The Barrel Wars
SECTION 6 - Muffins
SECTION 7 - Jell-o
SECTION 8 - Theme music
SECTION 9 - Ladies of AGD
SECTION 10 - Gentlemen of AGD
SECTION 11 - Fanfics
SECTION 12 - Diablo Technical Questions
SECTION 13 - Diablo Gameplay Questions
SECTION 14 - Miscellaneous but still important
SECTION 15 - Areas of the AGD Community

SECTION 1 - General NG questions

1.1 What is the purpose of this group?

A. The discussion of the computer game Diablo by Blizzard. Also any
mods, expansions, sequels, programs, ect. pertaining to Diablo.

1.2 So are you guys like a bunch of Satanists worshipping the devil
and practicing massive orgies all the time or something?

A. To answer that question, we turn to Rich G.
Rich - "Why yes we are. You hit it right on the nail with that one."
While Rich's answer may seem much too vague to settle the question
once and for all, it is quite clear upon examining it further and
talking to Rich G. and other members of this cult, that what he really
meant to say in too many words was "No, it's not."

1.3 I came in today and asked how to beat the butcher with a level
five warrior. Several people responded with remarks like "What the
hell are you talking about" and one went as far to say that I was
probably "Some AD&D type geek that wandered in to the wrong NG." I
thought this group was supposed to be about Diablo.

A. Well, this group is "supposed" to be about Diablo. Unfortunately it
isn't. We've dug our own hole on this one. Not much we can do about it
now.

1.4 Well, how do I beat the butcher with a level 5 warrior?

A. Get off the whole Diablo thing already, OK.

1.5 Is that the real Dalai Lama posting to the group?

A. Yes.

SECTION 2 - Behavior in the group

2.1a I just got all drugged up yesterday and killed a lot of people,
now I want to post about it. Is it acceptable if I put OT in the
header?

A. Theoretically yes. However this group is read by several members of
law enforcement agencies, so post at your own risk.

2.1b But I really want to make that post. Isn't there any way around
the police problem?

A. refer to http://www.krispykreme.com/

2.2a I've noticed a lot of very arousing flirting on this NG. Some of
it could even be considered soft-core cyber sex. Is this kind of stuff
acceptable?

A. Yes

2.2b But I'm a minor and it's illegal for me to receive this kind of
stuff in my place of residence. What can I do?

A. In that case please add the following people to your killfile :
SilverRaven, Subspace, Rich G. Steve, Stephen Van Ham, Rob/Sultan of
Swing, Celeste, 0tarin, Something Wicked, Something Kinky, Ken Noone,
Tcells, Ald, Ashen Sugar, Nikita Synytskyy, Daiai Lama, Mickey, Sage
Mithranga and Gabriel.

2.3 Reserved for future items

2.4a Can I ask about where to download Diablo warez programs in this
group?

A. No, that's just plain stupidity.

2.4b How about non-diablo related warez programs?

A. No, that's a major learning impairment.

2.5a I just got this great new Diablo site going. How many times
should I post about it?

A. Once is more than enough. Alternatively, you may want to put a link
in your sig and join our webring.

2.5b When you say once, you mean like once every thirty minutes right?

A. Wrong.

2.5c What if the site has nothing to do with Diablo, but instead it's
a pay child porn site?

A. Refer to the answer to 2.4b

2.6 The Sultan of Swing amendment agreement of the FAQ:
After sorting through over 400 ad messages for porn sites and dating
services, many of which contained binary code, the FAQ committee and
one Rob have reached an agreement that:
A - Section 4 will be added to this FAQ as per Rob's suggestions.
B - Rob will no longer use the NG forum known as Alt.games.diablo or
the bnet channel Justus as a dating service to serve his own means.
C - Rob will no longer post nude binary pics of himself to agd unless
said pics contain an equal or greater amount of nudity of the opposite
sex.


SECTION 3 - Clans and Guilds

3.1 I want to advertise and talk about my guild/clan in great detail
on AGD, and possibly do some recruiting. How should I go about doing
this?

A. First you must get your guild/clan listed among the guilds
recognized by the FAQ committee.

3.2a Guilds and Clans recognized by the FAQ committee.
LOS (Lords of Splinters) DOW (Defenders of the Wood) OCG (Old
Complainers Guild) YOG (Young optimists guild)

3.2b The FAQ committee also recognizes the DOW Jones as its own guild
subject to the rules of its members for the purposes of AGD law, even
though the DOW Jones is in actuality only a splinter group with
allegiance to the DOW.

3.3 The FAQ committee recognizes cults as a separate entity from
guilds/clans and there for they are not subject to the rules of
guilds/clans

SECTION 4 - 60 Minute Man

4.1 I went to SR's photo gallery today. Who is that gorgeous man I saw
in there?

A. That would be Rob, AGD's most eligible bachelor, and one hell of a
great guy.

4.2 How do I get in touch with him for a date?

A. If you are over 18 and of the fairer sex (Sorry guys, he's
heterosexual) then send a pic of yourself to Rob@lvcm.com Remember,
nude pics are acceptable and encouraged.

4.3 How do I become an AGD Reg?

A. If you fit the above requirements for section 4.2, then Rob will be
more than happy to go over these things with you in detail, and
perform all the necessary rituals with you, including but not limited
to: The tongue bath, Foreplay, The pelvic thrust, and the cigarette
after.

SECTION 5 - The Barrel Wars

5.1 What are the major factions involved in this war?

A. The Lords of splinters, BKDameon's LOS, the republican national
party(Disputed) and the rogue BK's on the Barrel Killers side, and the
DOW and the DOW Jones splinter group on the BKK side.

5.2 Where can I find out more on these Barrel Wars?

A. A deja search for the word Barrel will turn up many, many, many
results. Also look in to reading "The Lord of the Barrels" , "JONESin'
for a BK" , "An Ear" , "Twas the night before Christmas" , "Land of
the Night" , "The barrel wars" , and "The secret of Jell-o" for more
information on the subject.

5.3 Despite numerous requests from both sides, the FAQ committee
refuses to accept either viewpoint on the subject, and will instead
remain a neutral party.

5.4 The use of SR's Justus bot to tear of the penises of BKs is
considered unacceptable behavior and abuse of bot privileges.


SECTION 6 - Muffins

6.1 The appointment of a greeter
The FAQ committee along with the majority of AGD hereby appoint Ken
Noone official greeter of AGD and in doing so grant in exclusive
rights in the greeting of new members and the distribution of the
greeting muffins.

6.2 The appointment of muffin deputies
He holding the office of official AGD greeter gains the power to
appoint any person as a greeting deputy and grant to said person any
of the benefits, powers, and responsibilities of official greeter of
AGD. In turn he also gains the power to revoke a deputy of his duties
at any time he sees fit.

6.3
The distribution of muffins
Muffins will be given out for any of the following events-
A. Upon any persons first post to AGD
B. Any person who has left AGD for a given period of time and has
returned, as subject to the official greeter's discretion.
C. As bribery to convince a person not to leave AGD as subject to the
official greeter's discretion

6.4 No sooner had I got my muffins for joining this group then did
someone run up to me, push me down, and run off with my muffins. What
the hell just happened?

A. You've just met Mad Doug.

6.5 I've heard that a batch of fresh muffins can fetch up to $8000 on
the black market. Are they made out of cocaine or something?

A. To answer this question we turned to Ken Noone. Unfortunately Ken
has refused to reveal the secret recipe of his muffins. A laboratory
test though confirmed that there was in fact cocaine with in the
muffins, along with several other substances of unknown origins,
several of which were determined to be highly addictive. The black
market price however stems from Mad Doug's love of the muffins. Even a
single stale muffin can get you a few grand if he's been in withdrawal
for too long.

SECTION 7 - Jell-o

7.1 What is Jell-o?

A. Jell-o is a powdery subject that when mixed with water and cooled
in a refrigerator turns in to a jiggly treat.

7.2 I've been eating Jell-o off of my girlfriend for the last few
weeks and now she's broken out with a skin rash. She thinks it may be
because of the jell-o. Any help would be appreciated.

A. To answer this we turn to resident jell-o expert Lo Fi Cat.
Lo Fi Cat - "What you've experienced is a common allergic skin
reaction to lime jell-o. If you're a big lime fan, then you're out of
luck. But if you're like me, and think that all flavors are equally
good, and that they all taste exponentially better when served on your
significant other, then just switch to a different flavor."

7.3a Do I have to wear a bathing suit while in the jell-o hot tub?

A. Between the hours of six A.M. and ten P.M bathing suits are
mandatory. Between the hours of ten P.M. and six A.M bathing suits are
no longer allowed.

7.3b Members of this committee recognize that Ken Noone is exempt from
"bearing all" after ten P.M. as Ken has brought a note from his doctor
explaining his medical condition.

7.4 I've been eating jell-o off of my significant other for over a
month now, and I'm starting to get tired of having it every night. Are
there any alternatives?

A. Try whipped cream, chocolate syrup, fruit roll-ups, or anything
else your imagination can come up with. The possibilities are endless.

SECTION 8 - Theme music

8.1 How do I acquire a theme song?

A. Any person who has made more than 500 posts to AGD and has a period
of no less than 3 months since his/her first post may request a theme
song by filling out the theme music form sheet in triplicate. Only one
person may hold any one theme song.

8.2 How does this theme song thing work?

A. Any time you walk in to a room, a portion or the entire song will
play through.

8.3 Reserved Songs
The following songs have been reserved by the following people-
Ken Noone - The muffin man
Celeste - Can't take my eyes off of you
Steve - Paperback writer
Purple - Purple Haze
Rob - Take it easy
Time Goddess - Time is on my side
Mickey - Hey Mickey or Bad to the Bone
Xyborg - I think I'm paranoid
Rich G. - I want to sex you up
Dysentery Bob - Bad Boys
Skee Daddle - I shot the sheriff
SilverRaven - Bitch
Gabriel - Fortuna, Imperatrix Mundi
Paladijn - Theme from "Have gun, will travel"
Dragonz4ever - Puff the Magic Dragon
LadyJack - The Rainbow Connection
Methos - Thug Love
Craig - Neon Knight
ALHK - Peter Gunn
Stephen - I Am the Walrus
Nikita - Requiem (W. A. Mozart)
Gornul - Secret Agent Man
Handy Solo - Die with your boots on
ErtheBear - I Disappear
SteelLord - Born to be Wild
LineNoise - Welcome Home (Sanatarium)
Nicholas - In The City
Blade - One
tcells - Doc Martin's Boots
Mad'Doug - Take My Breath Away
Wailwulf - Mars:Bringer of War (Gustav Holst)

SECTION 9 - Ladies of AGD

9.1 So, who are the major female regulars of AGD?

A. Celeste, Cindy(MIA), cocohaze(newbie), GR8 Amberini, Lady Jack,
Liss(MIA), Lo Fi Cat (a female of the cat variety only), Purple (Disputed), SilverRaven, Something Kinky, Kaymen
and Time Goddess.

9.2 I really want to get it on with some of these people, but I don't
know how to start. Can you give me a little more information on each?

A. Sure thing.

9.3a Celeste
Turn ons - Flowers, babies, birds
Turn offs - Pollution
Good points - Perfect in every way possible
Bad points - Possibly too perfect

9.3b Cindy
Turn ons - Snoopy, Jell-O, hot tubs
Turn offs - ?
Good points - She knows more about sex than you ever imagined possible
Bad points - Too much endurance

9.3c cocohaze
Turn ons - Mr. Bumpy
Turn offs - Taxes
Good points - So far seems with in the spirits of AGD
Bad points - "Happily" married

9.3d GR8 Amberini
Turn ons - Paladijn
Turn offs - AGD
Good points - She can 'whipe' her own butt
Bad points - Troll

9.3f Lady Jack
Turn ons- Mel Brooks (odd, I know) and Weird Al
Turn offs - ?
Good points - There's just something sexy about that handle...
Bad points - ?

9.3g Liss
Turn ons - Nice people
Turn offs - Pornography
Good points - A friendly, caring person
Bad points - See turn offs

9.3h Lo Fi Cat
Turn ons - Jell-o
Turn offs - People who don't like Jell-o
Good points - All your Batman Returns sexual fantasies fulfilled
Bad points - Furballs

9.3j Purple
Turn ons - Sexy lingerie
Turn offs - Gender issues
Good points - Kinky
Bad points - Most likely a guy

9.3k SilverRaven
Turn ons - Too many to list
Turn offs - Too insignificant to list
Good points - Pleasure beyond the comprehensive limits of mortal
imaginations
Bad points - Are you up to the challenge?

9.3l Something Kinky
Turn ons - Anything but Bullwhips
Turn offs - Bullwhips
Good points - The name says it all
Bad points - Boyfriend also reads AGD

9.3m Time Goddess
Turn ons - Those who accept the fact she is divine
Turn offs - Stupid people
Good points - Mature, intelligent, and self-supporting
Bad points - She'll get you a possible 20 years in prison and a sex
offender record

9.3n Kaymen
Turn ons - Don't know, she's a quiet one
Turn offs - See turn ons
Good points - See bad points
Bad points - I'm really tired at this point, so Kaymen is IMO the
perfect mate.

SECTION 10 - Gentlemen of AGD

10.1 So, who are the major male regulars of AGD?

A. Rich, Dalai, Rob, Mickey, Steve, Klaas, Charlie, Handy, Ald, Ken,
Bob, Skee, Ashen, 0tarin, Adam, FaFa, LineNoise, ALHK, Caledor,
Mousehill, BeerGuy, Paladijn, Mad'Doug, Something Wicked, Xyborg,
Riveneye, Gornul, Nikita, Purple (debated) and Sage

10.2  I really want to get it on with some of these people, but I don't
know how to start. Can you give me a little more information on each?

A. Sure thing.

10.2a Rich
Turn ons - Anything not remotely sexual
Turn offs - Anything you can get in adult bookstores
Good points - He's a sweet and sensitive guy
Bad points - He's a sweet and sensitive guy

10.2b Dalai
Turn ons - Intellectual conversation
Turn offs - Exploding Cows
Good points - He's wonderful with conversation
Bad points - He's only wonderful with conversation

10.2c Rob
Turn ons - Anything female
Turn offs - None
Good points - He loves women
Bad points - He stalks women

10.2d Mickey
Turn ons - Everything
Turn offs - Nothing
Good points - He's got money
Bad points - He's married

10.2e Steve
Turn ons - Fanfic writing
Turn offs - Knowing he had a shot at SR in h.s. and didn't take it
Good points - He writes wonderfully
Bad points - All he does is write

10.2f Klaas
Turn ons - Music and SC
Turn offs - Comp stomps
Good points - He's a wonderful musician
Bad points - He's got a girlfriend

10.2g Charlie
Turn ons - 1Ghz Athalon
Turn offs - His slow piece of sh!t computer
Good points - He's sweet & old fashioned & knows how to treat a woman
Bad points - Spends too much time programming

10.2h Handy
Turn ons - Computer problems
Turn offs - Others cybering in open groups and not including him
Good points - He can fix your computer while having sex with you
Bad points - Happily married

10.2i Ald
Turn ons - More memory for his computer
Turn offs - Relationships
Good points - He's a nice guy
Bad points - He's notoriously late

10.2j Ken
Turn ons - Muffins (no, not those)
Turn offs - Barrels
Good points - He's funny
Bad points - He's noone

10.2k Bob
Turn ons - KK donuts
Turn offs - Dressers (he shoots them)
Good points - He's a cop
Bad points - He's a cop

10.2l Skee
Turn ons - Dueling
Turn offs - Lag mistress
Good points - He likes to duel Bob
Bad points - He likes to duel Bob too much if you know what I mean

10.2m Ashen
Turn ons - Death and destruction
Turn offs - The human race
Good points - He's available
Bad points - He lives in Australia

10.2n 0tarin
Turn ons - Females, intelligence, sense o' humor
Turn offs - non-living, male
Good points - Living, somewhat intelligent, honest, loyal, truthful
Bad points - Sounds too much like a puppy

10.2o Adam
Turn ons - Arguments
Turn offs - Cheaters
Good points - He's married
Bad points - Argumentative beyond reason

10.2p Fafa
Turn ons - Jello hottubbing
Turn offs - Hair in the hottub
Good points - He has a cute kid
Bad points - He's married

10.2q LineNoise
Turn ons - Girls, any girls
Turn offs - Flames
Good points - He's a nice guy
Bad points - He finishes last

10.2r ALHK (A Long Hard Knight)
Turn ons - Females
Turn offs - Males
Good points - His nick says it all
Bad points - He's taken

10.2s Caledor
Turn ons - Webdomains
Turn offs - The idiots that took the caledor domains
Good points - He has a job
Bad points - Not on icq enough to snag him

10.2t Mousehill
Turn ons - Noisy coffee grinders
Turn offs - Small kitchens
Good points - Owns a restaurant
Bad points - Lives in the Netherlands

10.2u BeerGuy
Turn ons - Seti and Beer
Turn offs - Non-Seti members and bad beer
Good points - He's into Seti
Bad points - He's addicted to Seti

10.2v Paladijn
Turn ons - Purists
Turn offs - Cheaters & public cybering
Good points - He's still young and has time to change
Bad points - Lives in the Netherlands

10.2w Mad'Doug
Turn ons - Muffins (no not those)
Turn offs - Lack of Muffins
Good points - He's a Seti monster
Bad points - He's taking over New Zealand

10.2x Something Wicked
Turn ons - Something Kinky
Turn offs - Paddles
Good points - He's funny
Bad points - He's taken

10.2y Xyborg
Turn ons - Garlic
Turn offs - Sunlight
Good points - Probably not a vampire.
Bad points - Sexually recluse & he's jail bait

10.2z Riveneye
Turn ons - Small fuzzy creatures from Alpha Centauri 
Turn offs - Vogon construction workers
Good points - Can always be counted on to be carrying a towel
Bad points - He's jail bait

10.2aa Nikita
Turn ons - Democracy
Turn offs - Food chains
Good points - He's still young enough to learn about real life
Bad points - Rumored to be a crossdresser 

10.2bb Purple
Turn ons - Sexy lingerie
Turn offs - Gender issues
Good points - Most likely a guy
Bad points - Only most likely a guy & s/he's jail bait

10.2cc Gornul
Turn ons - Women wearing dresses or skirts especially SR
Turn offs - Women wearing Pants
Good points - Good sense of humor
Bad points - humor is sarcastically unrecognized & he's jail bait

10.2dd Sage
Turn ons - Women
Turn offs - None
Good points - He's tall, dark and sexy
Bad points - Taken, far too often

10.2ee Craig
Turn ons - Purple lace
Turn offs - Icq cybering
Good points - Pouts cute
Bad points - Cries when forgotten

10.2ff Grand Fromage
Turn ons - Cheese
Turn offs - Limburger
Good points - He's good on a cracker
Bad points - He's a cheese

10.2gg SteelLord
Turn ons - Jello panties
Turn offs - Idling Bots
Good points - He does "honey-do" work
Bad points - He's impatient 

10.2hh Wailwulf
Turn ons - Fighting in SCA wars
Turn offs - Fighting in real wars
Good points - Believes in Honor and Chivarly
Bad points - Believes in Honor and Chivarly

SECTION 11 - Fanfics

11.1 What does fanfic stand for?

A. For the answer to this question we turn to Rich G.
Rich - "I've been having sexually oriented dreams about the male
regulars of AGD. Do you think this means I'm gay? Hey, are you taping
me for the FAQ right now!"
What Rich meant to say was fanfic is short for fan fiction, fictional
stories about the game diablo written by its fans.

11.2 What are the most frequent topics of fanfics?

A. Diablo, Blizzard games, Stories of the members of AGD, and SPOT
reports.

11.3 So then my porno-fanfiction would be unacceptable in this forum?

A. No, not at all. Please post it.

11.4 I have this idea for a fanfic, but I need some one to write it
for me. It's about a torrid and passionate love affair between a rogue
and a succubi.

A. Please, that stories been done over a dozen times.

11.5 Where can I find archives of fanfics?

A.
http://bentmuse.com/fiction/
http://theboojum.com/Tales/tales.htm
http://www.cowlevel.com/abatoir/efence.htm

SECTION 12 - Diablo Technical Questions.

12.1 I've really enjoyed the game of diablo, but since I changed ISPs
last month I haven't been able to log on to Bnet. Is there a fix to
this problem?

A. For the answer to this question we turn to resident technical
expert Moe Saint Evergreen.
Moe - "try bypassing the warp containment field regulators and tap
directly into the prehensile diabolic retention grid."

12.2 Can I have that in layman's terms?

A. No, what he has said has yet to be translated.

12.3 Wow, you guys sure know a lot about Diablo. Do you all have no
lives?

A. Well, many of us don't have lives, but that has nothing to do with
our knowledge of Diablo. Pedro Faria has been kind enough to write the
most correct and complete guide to Diablo and Hellfire, you can find
it at http://pf.chemeng.lth.se/diablo/

12.4 Wouldn't the official guide, supported by Blizzard and written by
people with access to the game code and the programmers to explain it
write a more correct and complete guide than some guy who reads code
in his free time with no budget, no first hand knowledge from the
programmers, and distributes it for free could ever write?

A. You'd think, wouldn't you.

SECTION 13 - Diablo Gameplay questions

13.1 Because of the differences in tactics and play styles found
through out diablo, and the groups interest in long drawn out threads
advocating their favorite methods, this FAQ will not cover any
specific or general strategies or tactics for the game Diablo. If you
would like a question answered, just ask it in the group.

13.2 Be warned that any question about the game Diablo has an
eighty-five
percent chance of deteriorating in to a thread about sexual practices,
regardless of message content or wording. Post at your own risk.

SECTION 14 - Miscellaneous but still important.

14.1 What is the dress code to be followed while posting to AGD?

A. Although there are no formal rules for dress code etiquette,
remember that less is more. When in doubt, post naked.

14.2 Does size matter?

A. It depends who you ask. Big men say yes, small men say no, women
seem torn both ways on the subject.

14.3 So should I be concerned about shrinkage while in the Jell-o hot
tub? I mean, its already below average on a good day.

A. If it's bothering you that much, then you can bring a doctor's note
from your psychiatrist to keep your bathing suit on at night. One
other member of AGD had done this, however we're not going to mention
names here.

SECTION 15 - Areas of the AGD Community

15.1 The fanfic library
Purpose - To archive all fanfics posted to AGD in one place. If you
have a fanfic you'd like to send, please read the formatting rules and
email it to the site.
Founder - Lo Fi Cat
Current holder - Stephen Van Ham
Website - http://bentmuse.com/fiction/

15.2 The photo gallery
Purpose - To create a photo album of the members of AGD. If you post
here, send your pics to the site.
Founder - Lo Fi Cat
Current holder - Silver Raven
Website - http://www.silverraven.com

15.3 The Webring
Purpose - To keep a record of the sites which were created by members
of AGD. If you post here fill out the form on the website and you'll
be added pending Subspace's approval.
Founder - Lo Fi Cat
Current holder - Subspace
Website - http://www.subbot.net/games/diablo/

15.4 The honorable players list (Currently unavailable)
Purpose - A list of Non-pking honorable players. You must be nominated
by a list member to get on.
Founder - Tony
Current holder - Celeste
Website - Unknown, but found in several places.

15.5 Channel Justus
Purpose - A Bnet channel for the members of AGD and their friends to
meet, chat, and organize games.
Founder - Kaymen
Current Holder - Silver Raven
Website - http://www.members.tripod.com/TheSilverRaven/justus.htm and
http://www.silverraven.com/AGD/justus.htm

15.6 Official AGD Iron Man Tourney (Currently on hold)
Purpose - To have an official iron man tournament for AGD members.
Founder - Josh Kramer
Current Holder - Liss
Website - Unknown

15.7 The AGD FAQ
Purpose - To have the coolest FAQ on usenet
Founder - Rob/Sultan of Swing
Current holder - Rob/Sultan of Swing
Website - http://www.silverraven.com/AGD/faq.htm

15.8 SETI
Purpose - To find E.T. life, or alternatively to simply be the best
SETI team.
Founder - Celleste
Current holder - Celleste
Website - http://setiathome.ssl.berkeley.edu/stats/team/team_39679.html
http://bentmuse.com/agdportal/seti.html

15.9 ICQ list
Purpose - To record the ICQ numbers of the AGD regs
Founder - LoFiCat
Current holder - Subspace
Website - http://www.subbot.net/games/diablo/

SECTION 16 - SETI

16.1 What is SETI?

A. SETI is the search for E.T. Intelligence. It monitors areas of
space looking for aliens, not the border crossers but the universe
crossers, and does so by using the computing power of PCs used by
volunteers. Said volunteers join teams which compete for higher
ranking by completing more units.

16.2 Why should I join the SETI team?

A. For the answer to this question we turn to Celleste.
Celleste - "Because I have your daughter, and if you want to see her
alive again I need to see 500 SETI units first."

16.3a What does SETI have to do with Diablo?

A. To answer this question we turn to Rich G.
Rich - "Give me back that f*cking tape or else. I never agreed to have
that put in the FAQ. Are you still taping me?"

16.3b Please explain further, Rich wasn't very helpful.

A. OK, the six degrees of separation. Diablo is made by Blizzard.
Blizzard also makes Starcraft. Starcraft contains an evil alien race
called the zerg. In the fanfic Hellcraft the zerg take over Tristram.
To protect and save Tristram, the point in playing Diablo, we must
find the zerg before they find the town and destroy them.
Or Diablo - Blizzard - Starcraft - Zerg - Hellcraft - Save Tristram.
Ta da. Perfectly on-topic and acceptable.